Don't rush your life: Late 20's/Early 30's Edition

This post was inspired by some conversations that I've had and overheard over the past few years with some of my closest friends.  At this point, most of my girlfriends are married and settling into their lives.  Some are even pregnant, or have babies, while some other girls aren't quite ready for that next phase of life yet.  I'm one of the only girls who is in a developing relationship in my circle, but I don't mind it.  I'm in no rush to push things forward with my boyfriend, because things are unfolding naturally, and I'm having fun in the phase we are in right now!  

I lived the life of being in a long-term relationship with someone who I thought was "the one."  We were together for almost five years when things fell apart.  Prior to the breakup, the question was always "what next? when's the next step?"  I wanted the next step, well...because isn't that what we should do?  

Actually...the answer should have been no.  Our relationship wasn't growing together, we were growing apart.  Instead of moving forward....well pushing forward, one of us should have realized that the relationship wasn't moving in the same direction and we should have called it quits.  Instead, the relationship continued to crumble until things got pretty bad.  Sometimes things need to get worse before your life can get better.

Anyway, why do we, especially women, feel pressure to "move on with life?"  Why can't we just be happy with the life we are living, and have things fall into place when they are supposed to?  I think there's a huge push from our families and the people around us to see us move forward with our lives.  Many people think that if you're unmarried and living together, that you should push things along to get engaged.  

The older people get nervous about the living situation.  It's so different from what they are used to.  Little do they realize that their pressure has a negative impact on your life, and could possibly push you into making a life-long decision that isn't right for you.  Getting engaged, and getting married are huge steps for people to take.  They aren't just steps on a checklist, they are special moments in your life that should be shared with someone who wants nothing more than to be with you.

I hear time and time again, girls giving their boyfriends ultimatums "If we aren't married by (insert date/holiday/season/time frame here), then it's over."  I even hear, "my parents can't take us living together anymore, so he better propose." Or even worse, "well...we've been together for so long, it's the next thing to do."  OMG JUST STOP ALREADY!!!  Don't you hear what you're saying?  You're putting your relationship under extreme pressure in the first place.  Second, what you're saying is that you and the guy you are with are not on the same page.  If you want to be married/engaged already, and you're not, then what does he want? 

I guess the main thing that I wish I had realized a lot sooner than I did, and something that I hope you can find within yourself is the fact that you're worth a whole lot more than you realize.  Your heart is precious and you're beautiful.  You deserve to be with a man who wouldn't want to be with anyone else but you.  You deserve to be with someone, who, without question, would ask you to be his wife without hesitation.  If a grown man requires coaching/hand holding/dragging him to his knees to propose, please wake up and realize that he isn't making the decision from his heart.  I can promise you, if that is what happens, when he does finally ask, and you slip that ring on your finger, in your heart you know that the ring wasn't coming from him.  It was coming from everyone else.  It just feels fake.

You deserve someone who treats you like the amazing person you are.  Don't feel like a failure, understand that you're learning about who you are and what you want.  You deserve to make yourself happy and you deserve to be happy.  No one else is going to do that for you.  

I am living proof that you will be okay.  You will survive  on your own.  And you will meet someone who is more incredible than you could have ever imagined.   And when you meet that special guy, all the heartache you'll feel through your breakup and after will become more than worth it.  Because you're worth it.  You're worth having a healthy and happy relationship with a man who loves you to the moon and back.  Please, don't settle for anything less.

Watch this video by Katy Perry, titled "Not Like the Movies"

Not Like the Movies

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Fry, Sauce and Grits.  You can check out the link party here.