This morning, I was doing some much needed spring cleaning, when I was looking for something to watch on TV. I decided to give Oprah's Super Soul Sunday a try, and it just so happens she was interviewing Tracy McMillan, the author of The Huffington Post's article, Why You're Not Married. This article has been shared over 54,000 times on Facebook, and has been liked by 290,000 people. Tracy gives women a no-nonsense outline of why they haven't met "Mr. Right." The fact is, that if you aren't married, it's probably because of you...not the jerk men you blame your single-status on. McMillan has six reasons that women are unmarried:
1. You're a bitch
2. You're shallow
3. You're a slut
4. You're a liar
5. You're selfish
6. You're not good enough
I can see your face now. You're probably thinking, "Amanda! That's an awful list." Well...go read the article, and then we can talk. Not for nothing, but if you read the article to the very end, you'll understand where McMillan is going with all of this. I'm pasting her words into this blog post because she couldn't be more right:
"Alright, so that's the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You're just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.
Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.
The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:
Love."
Women need to remember that we have to take care of ourselves. We need to get to the bottom of our own issues before we look for Mr. Right. The white dress...the love story...all of that will not make our lives a fairytale. The fact is, that we need to realize that marriage is a life long commitment to love someone even when they aren't so lovable. It's facing the fact that you can't just walk out the door, because someone's counting on you.
Oprah's interview with McMillan was fantastic. I urge you to go to The Full Episode on Oprah.com and watch the episode for yourself. Even if you are married, I know you'll take something from it. If you have single friends, pass this blog post on to them.
Tracy McMillan just published a book, titled Why You're Not Married...Yet. It's "the straight talk you need, to get the relationship you deserve."
Remember, the man, the wedding and the dress won't change your life. You only have the power to change your life. A healthy marriage is one that is the joining of two equals, taking two great people, and making their lives all the better.
Happy Sunday!
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